See these trees? Look really healthy? NOT

That’s my roof line in the lower right of the pic. These trees are more than tall enough to hit it.

I’m afraid that I’m going to wake up in the middle of the night and find myself in bed with an uninvited guy named Doug Fir.

These trees belong to My Neighbor Two Houses Down. They’ve been slowly dying for the last 10 years, ever since the neighborhood was constructed. The poor things have no roots — they were all cut when the yards were graded.

Originally there were 5 trees. Two belonged to the house behind my neighbor. They were removed the first year.

The third year, one of the three belonging to My Neighbor Two Houses Down outright died — turned brown, lost branches, dead as a doornail. It stood for several months. The neighbors worried. The monsoon season neared. One day I saw My Neighbor Two Houses Down outside and walked down to talk to him:

Mom: Hi there. How are you today?

MNTHD: OK. How are you?

Mom: Great! Did you know your tree was dead?

MNTHD: It is? [look up at tree] Huh! Guess I should get that out of here.

Mom: Maybe the other two also, eh?

MNTHD: Yeah. I’ll have a guy look at them.

The dead tree was removed. The other two were left. They died by slow degrees. The neighbors worried. Over the years I had a couple of other conversations with My Neighbor Two Houses Down. They all went like this:

Mom: Hi there. How are you today?

MNTHD: OK. How are you?

Mom: Great! Did you know your trees are almost dead?

MNTHD: They are? [look up at tree] Huh!

Mom: I’m afraid they will come down and hit one of the houses.

MNTHD: Yeah. I’ll have a guy look at them.

The monsoon season has arrived again. During storms, he wind blows something fierce down the hill. The neighborhood waits with bated breath to see which house(s) will be hit. Any of about 8 are in range. I guess if we’re lucky the trees will fall along the back yards and the damage will be only from branches going through windows, etc. If we’re lucky.

If I’m not lucky, Doug will come calling one of these nights, and I don’t think it’s going to be the most fun I’ve ever had in bed.