Received via email:

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God’s Law. I have learned a great deal from you . With regard to same sex marriage, you said, “in the eyes of God marriage is based between a man a woman.” So, when someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I now point them to Leviticus 18:22 which clearly states it to be an abomination. But now I need some advice from you regarding some other elements of God’s Laws and how to follow them.

1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can’t I own Canadians?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanness - Lev15: 19-24.The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense.

4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is, my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination - Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. Can you settle this? Are there ‘degrees’ of abomination?

7. Lev.21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev.19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev. 24:10-16. Couldn’t we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God’s word is eternal and unchanging.

A deer found it’s way into a terminal at Chicago’s O’Hare International.

Meanwhile, down in Texas, John Underwood, an estimator for a San Antonio auto body shop, has created a web site called www.liveshot.com. When I visited, the front page only had a message saying “coming soon.” Reportedly, Underwood offers the chance to do a little target shooting with a web-controlled .22 caliber rifle.

Underwood has invested some $10,000 in his infrastructure. His plans include a speedier web connection that would allow “hunters” to aim and shoot at live animals, including deer, antelope and wild pigs. An attendant would retrieve any animals killed by a hunter, who could opt to have the head preserved by a taxidermist. The meat could be processed and shipped to them or donated to an animal orphanage.

Mike Berger, Texas Parks and Wildlife Department wildlife director said:

This is the first one I’ve seen. The current state statutes don’t cover this sort of thing.

Berger says that the current law only covers “regulated” animals, and cannot stop Underwood from offering Internet hunts of “unregulated” animals, such as non-native deer and wild pigs. He has proposed a new rule, up for public discussion in January, that anyone hunting animals covered by state law must be physically in Texas when they do so.

Underwood believes that his idea could be popular with disabled hunters, or with hunters from out-of-state who can’t afford a trip to Texas. No report on how much he plans on charging.

And the deer in O’Hare? Apparently it entered through an automatic freight door that led to the unsecured lower area of one of the terminals. O’Hare is located by forested areas. The deer may have been injured elsewhere on the grounds and seeking shelter. Animal control officers were able to sedate the animal in an area where there were no passengers. He was taken away to be examined.

But… is that what really happened? Was the deer seeking shelter, or did John Underwood promise hin a “great job with great benefits” if he would relocate?”

I just hope the buck wasn’t planning to catch a flight to Texas.