I admit that I haven’t purchased a water heater before. But I expected it to be something like other major appliance purchase: Pick it out, arrange to have it delivered and installed. It’s not rocket science.

There’s a certain store who I will allow to remain nameless. Since their ads tout themselves as some sort of water heater royalty, that was my first stop. I wandered around the store for a bit, and didn’t really see a lot of water heaters. I went up to the counter, where I found one of those annoying “take a number” machines. I took a number and waited. When my number came up and the counter guy got to me, this is what the conversation went like:

Counter Guy: What can I help you with today?

Mom: I need a new water heater. Mine is leaking.

Counter Guy [writes down number on card]: Go home and call this number. It’s our service department. They can get you set up.

Mom [takes card]: But I don’t know what I want!

Counter Guy: They’ll set you up with one, deliver it and install it, and even haul the old one away. You just pay the driver. He’ll let you know how much it is after it’s installed.

Mom: But how will they know what to bring? I don’t know which one I want.

Counter Guy: They’ll ask you a bunch of questions and then bring one out for you. If you have questions they can answer them.

Mom [beginning to sound like a broken record]: But I don’t know which water heater I want to purchase!

Counter Guy [beginning to sound annoyed]: Look. It’s a lot easier than you buying one here and having to haul it home yourself and then pay for a plumber to come install it. Just call the service department. I could answer your questions, but they can do just as well as I can.

Mom: So, I’m supposed to call this number, and then trust that sight unseen they will bring exactly the water heater I want with exactly the features I need and charge me a reasonable price for both it and the installation, even though I haven’t done any comparison shopping? I think not. [hands card back and leaves store]

And with that I drew a mental black line through the name of prince water heater and headed over to Lowes.

At Lowes, I found a plumbing guy who was happy to provide a little customer service. I got to figuratively kick the tires of all the gas water heaters in stock and compare their features. When I had picked out what I wanted, the plumbing guy set up a delivery and installation and showed me exactly what that will cost, including parts. And they’ll haul away the old one, too.

I still don’t get that first stop. That would be like having bought my new refrigerator by calling up the appliance store delivery service and asking them to bring me a new one. And then trusting that I would somehow get the one I wanted, that it would meet my needs and fit the space available, and that the price would be OK.

Very strange way of doing business.

I’ve never had an ice-maker before. One was available for the 20-year-old, now-defunct fridge, but we didn’t have it installed. I have one now.

Did you know that when ice drops from the ice maker into the bin, it sounds almost exactly like a gun shot?

Can you imagine how three particular cats who are not used to being shot at feel about that, especially when they’ve just settled down for a long, long nap… BANG!

There was lots of hubbub yesterday when the new fridge was delivered. The front door had to be removed from the hinges, so the cats had to be rounded up and stashed in my bedroom. My sideboard (full of antique dishes that belonged to my forebears and some of which are over 100 years old) had to be very quickly unloaded and moved to the side. What little food I had managed to preserve had to be unloaded from the freezer (the only cold place in the old fridge) very quickly.

And then it turned out that one of the delivery guys was allergic to cats.

But now I have coldness available. And my remaining food is at the appropriate temperature. And I have fresh, cold water available via the door of the fridge. And ice. BANG. And unhappy kitties.

Today I go grocery shopping and start looking for a water heater.

Part 6: MGM Grand (redux)

Tuesday got off to a late start, but I did manage to squeeze a little gambling and a cup of coffee in before noon. When #1 Son got up, he looked out the window and said, It’s really raining hard, Mom. You’re going to get wet going down to MGM Grand.

I dithered about whether to do the focus group or not. But… $50 is $50 and I’m not so wealthy that it isn’t a meaningful sum of cash. I was due down there at 2:15, so I started out about 1:00. I decided to be “smart” and take the monorail so I wouldn’t have to walk so far. I knew the closest monorail stop was a Bally’s. For some reason I thought that I had to walk up to the corner and take the people-mover conveyor belt thingy into the casino. By the time I walked up the street, I was soaked. And, once in the casino, I realized that I could have walked through Paris and gotten there virtually dry.

And my foot really hurt, now. I could tell it was starting to blister on the bottom.

Since it was raining there were quite a few people waiting for the monorail, but I managed to get on to the second train that came. At MGM Grand, I hobbled down to Television City for the focus group. We were asked to watch snips from several shows that were simulcast on both HD-TV and regular TV and notice the differences. Then we were led to a room where we were asked lots of questions about how much we would be willing to pay for on-demand TV shows (zero, in my case), if we would pay $7 to see a movie 0n-demand with no commercials and available for 24 hours (no, since I currently pay around $3), if we would rather have $1500 cash or $2500 in electronic equipment (probably cash), and what equipment were we planning on buying in the next year (none). There was some debate about whether my computer counted like a Tivo, since I do have cable running to it and can record TV shows for later viewing.

After receiving my hard-earned (hardly earned?) $50, I hobbled out to the monorail station. The line for the monorail was now all the way out to the casino. I waited for a long, long, time. I would have risked the rain and walked, but by now my foot was killing me and the blister on the bottom felt like it was the size of Mt. Hood. So I waited. Back at Bally’s, I turned left and walked through Paris. I only got a little wet between Paris and the Aladdin. I bought some band-aids and hobbled upstairs to tape my foot up. I told #1 Son that I had to have some different shoes, so we needed to go shopping. I was also pretty hungry, as I hadn’t eaten. The litter in the room announced that #1 Son had gone for take-out sushi, but there wasn’t even a crumb left.

Part 7: The Aladdin (redux)

While in the room, I called Aladdin engineering and told them that I was having problems with the mouse, that I’d called Sprint, and that nobody had ever come by or called. The guy I talked to said that he’d call me back right away. I never heard from him.

The Desert Passage mall at The Aladdin has 104 shops. It’s not quite as upscale as The Forum at Caesar’s or the mall at Paris, but there are a lot of cool shops to look in. There was, of course, a shoe store. And they had shoes in European sizing, which fit me much better than American sizes. I bought two pairs — a pair of red casual shoes and a pair of black dress shoes — and wore the red ones out of the store. My foot started to feel better immediately, as did my spirit. There’s nothing like a new pair of shoes. Mama used to say that when you’re down you should go buy a new hat to lift your spirit. I look sucky in hats, so I buy shoes. 😀

We also stopped in a souvenir shop to buy umbrellas and gifts for some of #1 Son ‘s friends. He picked up a t-shirt and two souvenir lighters. We also ate passable but totally uninspired enchiladas at a Mexican restaurant that also boasted (go figure) bad coffee.

It was still raining. It rained hard enough to overflow the Bellagio fountain.

After shopping we hung around the room (mom with foot propped up) until it was time to hobble down to The Flamingo for:

Part 8: George Wallace at The Flamingo

Finally a good show! Both George Wallace and the comedian who did the warm up were hysterically funny. We were sitting right by the stage, so #1 Son got teased about his hair. 😉 I thought of it as turnabout’s fair play since last year I was teased soundly by the magician at V.

On the way back to The Aladdin, it was still raining like crazy. But, we were dry under our umbrellas. We turned in right after the show because we had to get up early for:

Part 9: Hummer Gold Rish Adventure Tour

Last year we took a Hummer tour to the Grand Canyon and it was lots of fun. So this year I booked the Hummer Gold Rush Adventure Tour, that takes you out to a gold mine and a ghost town. We had to be out at the pick-up point at 8:00 AM in order to catch the Hummer for the tour. The Hummer showed up about 8:20, and the driver said that the tour had to be cancelled.

Water and deserts don’t mix. The electricity at the mine and the ghost town was out and the roads were closed because of flash floods.

We were offered $10 off on the Valley Of Fire tour, but since I happen to know that tour is quite a bit less than $10 off of the gold mine tour price, I declined. Instead we trooped back in to the concierge desk to get a refund and find out if any other tours were still open. Well, said the nice lady at the concierge desk. I could probably book you on:

Part 10: Annie Bananie’s Wild West Vally Of Fire & Lake Mead tour

OK. It’s a hokey name meant to grap the attention of Japanese tourists. But, hey… what the heck. It was either Annie Bananie or boredom.

While the concierge lady got our tour booked, I took the opportunity to discuss with the manager the situation with our mouse. She not only promised to have it fixed by the time we got back, but also comped our internet usage. 🙂

For the tour, we were picked up by “Sierra Sam” in a 12-seat mini-van. Sam was a Texan who’d been doing the tour for many years, and he was a hoot. He had a story about everything, including the Las Vegas sign. I don’t know how many stories were tall tales, but he was entertaining. Along the way to Lake Meade he told us about the rock formations, the history of Las Vegas and pointed out the homes of famous people. Our first stop was at an area of rock formations where we got out and took pictures. We were up high enough to get some great views of the valley.

From there we travelled to Lake Meade. I was surprised to see that in many place there was dirt and gravel on the pavement where the water from flash floods had gone over the road. Many of the normally-dry gullies now contained fast-running streams. Sam said he couldn’t recall seeing it quite like that ever before.

At Lake Meade we ate lunch at a little restaurant. Food was good. Coffee was bad. It was too windy and cold to walk around much. But we did look out over the lake for a bit before retreating to the van.

Our next stop was Roger’s Spring. We looked at it from the van but didn’t get out because Sam had heard some of the roads ahead were bad and more bad weather was coming. He wanted to make sure we saw the Valley of Fire before the bad weather hit again.

We stopped at several spots in The Valley Of Fire, including the Visitor’s Center.

One stop was at some stone cabins built in the ’30’s by the Civilian Conservation Corps There are petroglyphs on the rocks behind the cabins. This picture was taken looking out of the window of the middle cabin. (click on the pic to embiggen)

As you can see, there was a great view, but the accomodations left something to be desired. The room is about 10′ x 10′, with a small fireplace and chimney in the corner opposite the door. The floor is dirt. There is no door or window. I doubt that anyone leaves a chocolate on your pillow. But, if you climb down the rocks in front of the cabins, there’s a pool and the swimming looked good.

Our last stop was at an arch formation. While there, it started to rain, and then hail. I was glad we’d seen everything because it was obviously time to call it quits.

All-in-all, the tour was a lot of fun. Sam was an awesome guide and the sights were well worth seeing. I’d recommend the tour to anyone. I’d even take it again myself. (But next year I’d really like to do the ghost town and gold mine!)

Sam dropped us off at The Aladdin in the afternoon. I was sorry to learn from him that the Aladdin is closing and will reopen as Planet Hollywood. I would have stayed at the Aladdin again. But Planet Hollywood… uh… no.

Part 11: The Aladdin (finale)
We debated where to eat dinner, and finally decided on Tremezzo, an Italian place in The Aladdin. #1 Son ordered a cup of coffee. Might as well give it one more shot. he said.

His coffee came in a French press. It smelled divine. I’ll have one of those, too. I told the waiter. Finally! Decent coffee!

After dinner it was pretty much just a little TV and then bed. We had to get up at 4:30 AM [groan] in order to get to the airport by 6:00, to catch an 8:00 AM flight. I always allow extra time for the trip back, because we always, always get stuck somewhere (usually in security).

Part 12: Homeward Bound

And we did get stuck in security. Not me this time, but #1 Son. At least the TSA in Las Vegas asked my permission before searching him. That was refreshing.

They confiscated one of the lighters that #1 Son had bought (just one of the pair, even though they were the same). And not because he had too many lighters (which he did), but because that one was deemed to be a “torch lighter,” whatever the heck that is. They also confiscated the 2″ pair of scissors that was in the little sewing kit I bought in the Aladdin sundries shop so that #1 Son could sew a button on his coat. The little scissors that could barely cut thread were deemed too dangerous.

The TSA offered to let us mail the lighter and the scissors back to ourselves for (get this) $8.00 apiece. That’s nuts. I could drop the scissors in a letter with a regular stamp and mail it at postage rates. We declined.

#1 Son was sorry to lose the lighter. But he bought another one at the gift shop in the terminal while we were waiting for our plane to board.

The ride to PDX was uneventful. Getting the car out of the parking lot was expensive, since we had to park in the garage. The fur kids were glad to see us when we picked them up. Captain Kidd had finally started eating a little Gerber turkey, Phoebe was happy since the staff had learned she likes to be scratched, and Moo Cow was queen of the world once the staff moved her into what she consideres “her room” (she whined and moaned until they did). And we were all glad to be back home.

Pics will be up on Mommymonster when I get around to it, which may not be any time soon.

I left work at noon yesterday to spend a little quality time with #1 son. I had promised him that we’d head over to DMV to get his learner’s permit. 😯 All of his friends have been driving for ages, and he’s past the usual age of permit-dom. But I’ve been discouraging rather than encouraging because, well… have a kid driving is a scary thing for a parent to face.

Plus #1 Son had his first real paycheck, and I’d promised a trip to the bank to open up his first checking and savings accounts.

Step 1: DMV

All the way across Beaverton to DMV #1 Son kept up a non-stop quiz on driving rules: How far behind do you follow someone? How do you know who goes first at a 4-way stop? Is it OK to make a right-hand turn from a one-way street to a two way street if the light is red?

I haven’t been in a DMV for awhile. I think taking a number and waiting to be called is a distinct improvement over standing endlessly in line. We only had to wait for about 20 minutes before we were called up to the counter. I had been sure that we had all the necessary documentation… let’s see… SS card, proof of address, proof of school enrollment, school ID… birth certificate? oops…

The nice DMV man was kind enough to give us a get-out-of-jail-free pass so we wouldn’t have to stand in line upon our return.

Step 2: Home

What do you do if an ambulance or police car comes down the street with lights on and siren going? What do you do if someone wants to pass you? Is there a minimum speed you have to go? How do you know when you have to go 20 MPH in a school zone?

OK, I’m sure I know where that birth certificate is. I had to have it the last time we went to Canada. I’m sure it’s in this file. I thought it was in this file. Why isn’t it in this file? Where the @$#% is it???

Oh, yeah… it was needed to replace a lost SS card and, er… mom didn’t put it back where it belonged. (bad mom! bad!)

Step 3: DMV

When you’re on a highway and a curve is marked with a speed sign, that means you start into the curve at that speed but go faster as you come out. Right? What should you do if someone is following you too close? What’s a three point turn? What sign is an octagon? If a sign is yellow and has an adult holding a kid’s hand on it, what does that mean?

We only had to wait for a couple of minutes, since we arrived with line-pass in hand. And we had all of the needed documentation. So we were shortly sent to wait in the examination line. #1 Son had been worried that the test would be really hard, since some of his friends had failed it 3 or 4 times — and they’re really smart kids, mom. He looked a bit worried as he headed into the exam room.

I sat and ponder on the fact that, after nearly 35 years of driving, I knew how to do it safely but some of the “rules” were obviously escaping me if I had to think about it. And it was probably a good thing I didn’t have to take that test.

#1 Son came out smiling, test passed with flying colors. It was easy Mom! He thus earned bragging rights among his friends who failed a few times.

Eye exam passed with flying colors. Picture snapped. Permit in hand, off we went.

I can drive, right?

I suggested that the beginning of rush hour on the last shopping day before a major holiday was probably not the best time to try out that permit.

Step 4: Bank

With myself behind the wheel, we headed for the bank.

I bank with Bank Of The West, and I’m going to give them a plug here because I just love their customer service. They take friendliness to new heights. When we walked into the branch, every single person said hello and Merry Christmas to us.

The New Accounts person, Janelle, introduced herself and shook our hands. We all sat down and #1 Son explained that he had his first paycheck and wanted to open his own checking (with ATM card) and savings accounts. We looked over the various options and #1 Son chose the one that looked best for him. (He made the right choice.)

Can I see your driver’s license? Janelle asked as she began to set up the accounts.

#1 Son proudly handed over his learner’s permit, still hot off the presses.

You just got this today?! said Janelle. And you have your first paycheck, and you’re opening your own accounts!

Yep, said #1 Son, to great appreciation from everyone in the bank. We’re doing all of the big boy stuff today.

I love my kid so much, and sometimes I’m so proud of him! And, by golly, he has an awesome sense of humor!

Step 5: Food!

Having not stopped for lunch, both of us were pretty hungry. So we stopped to get something to eat. While there, #1 Son asked if I’d do a little favor for him. He needed to go to work, but he also needed to make fliers for his band’s next show. He’d seem some before that were on stickers, and everyone thought they were really cool and came to the show because any show that would have such cool fliers must be a cool show. So if these could be on stickers that would be great. He would give me one to use for a master if I’d just run them over to Kinko’s or someplace and copy 200 on stickers. Thanks, mom!

Step 7: Kinko’s

So I dropped #1 son off at work near Beaverton Town Square and set off on a pre-holiday, shopping-madness, rush-hour trek across Beaverton to Kinko’s at Washington Square.

It was madness, I tell you. Madness.

Arriving at Kinko’s a mere 60 minutes after leaving the area of Beaverton Town Square, I explained to the nice Kinko’s Guy what I needed. He helped me make a master of 4 fliers on one page and loaded the sticker stock into the copy machine. He set everything up for me and pressed start.

Pages of sticker stock started shooting out of the copier and, bypassing the tray, scattered all over the floor.

That’s funny, said Kinko’s Guy. I’ve never seen that happen before.

It’s a new game… 50-sheet pick-up! It wasn’t all that fun. But, with 50 sheets of 4 fliers each in hand, I asked Kinko’s Guy how much it would be to have them cut apart.

We charge $1 per item for cutting.

There are 50 sheets, so that would be $50? I said, thinking to myself when pigs fly.

No, it’s $1 per item. You have four items on each page, so that would be $200.

I tried hard not to burst out in insane laughter, since I was sure that #1 Son and his pals probably have scissors (and probably run with them), and could probably cut the fliers out just dandy for a lot less than $200.

Kinko’s Guy must have seen the look on my face. We have a cutter over there you can use if you want to do it yourself.

The cutter takes two sheets at a time, maximum. Each sheet required 3 cuts to separate the fliers. That’s 75 separate slices needed.

We’ll draw a close to our little story, as Mom slices away into the evening.

But I’d really like to know how I could get paid what amounts to about $2.66+ per slice! Considering that it took about 45 minutes for me to slice apart all 50 sheets, well… that works out to about $267 per hour. That’s considerably more than I make in my day job.

I think I’m in the wrong business!

On the way home last night, # 1 son informed me that not only did I fail to successfully schmooze with the right people, I wasn’t stylin’ either. If I want to get ahead in my career, then according to #1 Son I needed a few obvious additions to my wardrobe.

There followed a safari to Meier & Frank at Washington Square in search of what he insisted are my most pressing needs: (1) the perfect button-down shirt, (2) the perfect black jacket and (3) the perfect necktie, all to combine with black slacks I already had at home.

I usually hate going to malls during the holidays. But either we were there at just the right time of day or this shopping season is not going as well as the merchants would hope, because we had no trouble finding a parking place reasonably close. Nor did we have to fight our way through the racks of clothes or wait in line for hours to use a dressing room. There were shoppers there, but it wasn’t crowded. And there was an awesome sale going on.

I have to admit that #1 Son is a lot of fun to shop with. He’s relatively patient and also very honest, with comments like: That looks good, try that on. and I’m not seeing that, mom, but it might be worth a try. and No. That’s ugly and will look terrible on you. Plus pointers on what I needed to be really stylin’.

Honesty is a good thing.

I ended up with a white shirt — not button down, but a good shirt nonetheless — the perfect black jacket, a great peach and blue striped shirt, a black sweater and a long, black sweater coat sort of thing. Upstairs #1 Son suggested a black and purple tie in a geometric pattern. What with the sale and a coupon that was available at the register, the prices were really, really good. ($50 shirt for $9 — yep that’s not a typo — nine dollars. I love sales.)

This morning I looked really, really stylin’, oh yes I did. 😆 And new clothes are such an ego-boost.

Now I need to find the perfect pair of amethyst earrings to go with that tie…

It’s not hard for me to stay away from the malls between Thanksgiving and New Years. I like leisurely shopping trips. Full-body-slamming crowds give me claustrophobia. So “buy nothing day” isn’t really that much of a statement for me, all things considered.

#1 Son was bound and determined not to buy anything today. But, it’s Friday, and Friday is allowance day. I told him I’d keep giving him allowance until he gets paid at his new “real” job. But I didn’t have enough cash today for his allowance.

In a slightly wicked moment that I freely admit to, I said, “It doesn’t matter. You’re not going to buy anything today anyway. I’ll give it to you tomorrow. If you need it today, I’ll have to go buy something at the store so I have cash.”

I could see his desire to make a non-consumerism statement warring with his desire for filthy lucre. Finally, though clenched teeth, he admitted that he really wanted it today.

So I bought some cheese at the store. I was out, and I needed it for my turkey shepherd’s pie (which was yummy).

I don’t know whether #1 Son spent any of his allowance or not. I don’t think I’ll ask.