Today, Peruvian police seized 1,540 lbs of cocaine hidden in frozen giant squid destined for Mexico and the United States.

The drugs were covered in pepper to divert sniffer dogs and sealed in several layers of plastic and other wrappers. Police had been on the trail since August.

Seven people were arrested in the drug seizure. Police said the haul would have a street value of about $17.5 million.

I may be wrong, but I thought that giant squid was very rare. I know that one washes up on a beach every now and then, but it’s usually treated as a big news event and what’s left of the dead squid goes off to some lab or another to be studied. One wonders what the delivery address on that package was? That’s a lot of squid, to hide 1,540 lbs of coke.

I started speculating what would happen if that giant squid shipment got mixed up with a shipment of more common calamari destined for, say, McCormick’s or Jake’s.

What would the chef do with our coke-enhanced giant squid? Would it be served with a … special… breading? Would happy hour be really, really happy? Would customers eat it with that much pepper on it?

But then, of course, one wonders about the disappointment of the intended target when they received a large shipment of more common, non-enhanced squid with a more mundane street value. But maybe they could sell it to a local restaurant.

A man was stuck inside a chimney in North Portland this morning, apparently attempting to burgle a house.

The man had managed to get approximately 10 or 15 feet down in the chimney before becoming stuck. Extracting him took more than an hour and required tearing down the chimney and removing sections of the roof.

Since he was not the homeowner, and I guess could not prove he was Santa on a test run, the man was assumed to be a burglar and was arrested when he emerged.

Today at the Taipei zoo a man leaped into the lion’s den in an apparent attempt to convert the King of Beasts to Christianity.

“Jesus will save you!” the 46-year-old man shouted at two African lions lounging under a tree a few meters away.

“Come bite me!” he said with both hands raised, television footage showed.

Not surprisingly, one of the lion’s obliged. Fortunately the lion was well fed, or the result might have been worse. But zoo workers were able to drive the lion off with water hoses.

Now, it runs in my mind that this is a pretty damn good analogy to the current election results, such as they stand.

If Bush is elected (and that now seems fairly likely, although not certain), it appears that much of his vote came from grass-roots campaigning among voters who consider themselves born-again Christians.

Although currently apparently dozing, The Republic is a very large lion and it grows hungrier. Be very careful, you in the right-wing who are programming your trained chimp to spout your religion-based messages. Attempting a conversion to a theocracy will get you bitten. And I’m fairly certain that no one is standing by with a water hose.

Congratulations to the Fenway Faithful. Thanks to the magic of the lunar eclipse, the Curse of the Bambino is at last dead.

Well… maybe that’s not the reason. But it makes a good story.

DUIs for herbal-tea-drinking motorists

Kava is not considered a drug by federal health officials. The FDA lists it as an nutritional supplement that can be used to relieve anxiety. Having visited southern California a time or two, I can see why an anxiety-relieving herbal tea would be in demand among drivers.

Now California prosecutors are cracking on kava-drinking drivers. San Mateo prosecutors obtained their first successful conviction in June, and have file charges in three other cases out of about a dozen kava-drinking-drivers that have been pulled over.

San Mateo Deputy District Attorney Chris Feasel explains why:

Motorists under the influence of Kava had a “thousand-yard stare,” Feasel said. “They’re drooling on themselves sometimes, their motor function is so bad.” He said that police had pulled over kava-addled motorists who were swerving, veering into other lanes and drifting onto the road’s shoulder. “Kava basically has the opposite effect of alcohol,” Feasel said. “Kava affects your motor skills before it affects your mental abilities.”

[...]“We’re cracking down on DUI drivers,” Feasel said. “Whether it’s driving under the influence of kava, or a good merlot or Advil, you’re going to be prosecuted.”

So… if you’re a kava drinker, and have the habit of consuming 20 - 30 cups before getting behind the wheel, be warned!

Taiwanese parliament food-fight