I’m going to attempt to make Weird Wednesday a regular or semi-regular feature, beginning today with this news from the cell-phone world.

What do you do with those millions of cell phones and cell phone covers that are thrown out each year in favor of new models? Some, of course, find a home with agencies that accept old cell phones and either recycle or refurbish them. But a lot of phones and covers are simply thrown out and find their way into landfills or other dumps.

But what if you could plant your phone in your garden, and have a flower sprout?

British researchers at the University of Warwick in central England have designed a biodegradable phone cover that breaks down in soil and grows a flower from an embedded seed.

Quoth Kerry Kirwan of the University of Warwick:

It’s a real novelty in the phone industry and consumers are happy because they feel they are doing something for the local environment. We put sunflower seeds into the prototype covers, but we are working with horticultural researchers to identify which other flowers would perform best. Maybe we could put poppies or roses next time.

The designers are quick to reassure users that the seed will not sprout until the cover is discarded. (Imagine the conversations that might result otherwise… I’m sorry, I need to hang up now. What the HELL is that thing poking my ear.)

The covers are expected to hit the market next year, for an unspecified cost.

While it doesn’t address the issue of what to do with the phone innards, I think it’s kinda cool. And just imagine the snob appeal of having, say, a Venus’ Flytrap or Bird Of Paradise phone cover versus pansy or daisy or gladiolus. I can’t wait to see the ads for this one!

Phil Knight is stepping down as CEO of Nike. He will remain Chairman Of The Board.

Stepping into Knight’s shoes as CEO and President is William Perez, currently President and CEO of S.C. Johnson & Sons, Inc., purveyors of Windex and Scrubbing Bubbles.

The shoes will be clean?

A deer found it’s way into a terminal at Chicago’s O’Hare International.

Meanwhile, down in Texas, John Underwood, an estimator for a San Antonio auto body shop, has created a web site called www.liveshot.com. When I visited, the front page only had a message saying “coming soon.” Reportedly, Underwood offers the chance to do a little target shooting with a web-controlled .22 caliber rifle.

Underwood has invested some $10,000 in his infrastructure. His plans include a speedier web connection that would allow “hunters” to aim and shoot at live animals, including deer, antelope and wild pigs. An attendant would retrieve any animals killed by a hunter, who could opt to have the head preserved by a taxidermist. The meat could be processed and shipped to them or donated to an animal orphanage.

Mike Berger, Texas Parks and Wildlife Department wildlife director said:

This is the first one I’ve seen. The current state statutes don’t cover this sort of thing.

Berger says that the current law only covers “regulated” animals, and cannot stop Underwood from offering Internet hunts of “unregulated” animals, such as non-native deer and wild pigs. He has proposed a new rule, up for public discussion in January, that anyone hunting animals covered by state law must be physically in Texas when they do so.

Underwood believes that his idea could be popular with disabled hunters, or with hunters from out-of-state who can’t afford a trip to Texas. No report on how much he plans on charging.

And the deer in O’Hare? Apparently it entered through an automatic freight door that led to the unsecured lower area of one of the terminals. O’Hare is located by forested areas. The deer may have been injured elsewhere on the grounds and seeking shelter. Animal control officers were able to sedate the animal in an area where there were no passengers. He was taken away to be examined.

But… is that what really happened? Was the deer seeking shelter, or did John Underwood promise hin a “great job with great benefits” if he would relocate?”

I just hope the buck wasn’t planning to catch a flight to Texas.

Today, Peruvian police seized 1,540 lbs of cocaine hidden in frozen giant squid destined for Mexico and the United States.

The drugs were covered in pepper to divert sniffer dogs and sealed in several layers of plastic and other wrappers. Police had been on the trail since August.

Seven people were arrested in the drug seizure. Police said the haul would have a street value of about $17.5 million.

I may be wrong, but I thought that giant squid was very rare. I know that one washes up on a beach every now and then, but it’s usually treated as a big news event and what’s left of the dead squid goes off to some lab or another to be studied. One wonders what the delivery address on that package was? That’s a lot of squid, to hide 1,540 lbs of coke.

I started speculating what would happen if that giant squid shipment got mixed up with a shipment of more common calamari destined for, say, McCormick’s or Jake’s.

What would the chef do with our coke-enhanced giant squid? Would it be served with a … special… breading? Would happy hour be really, really happy? Would customers eat it with that much pepper on it?

But then, of course, one wonders about the disappointment of the intended target when they received a large shipment of more common, non-enhanced squid with a more mundane street value. But maybe they could sell it to a local restaurant.

A man was stuck inside a chimney in North Portland this morning, apparently attempting to burgle a house.

The man had managed to get approximately 10 or 15 feet down in the chimney before becoming stuck. Extracting him took more than an hour and required tearing down the chimney and removing sections of the roof.

Since he was not the homeowner, and I guess could not prove he was Santa on a test run, the man was assumed to be a burglar and was arrested when he emerged.

Today at the Taipei zoo a man leaped into the lion’s den in an apparent attempt to convert the King of Beasts to Christianity.

“Jesus will save you!” the 46-year-old man shouted at two African lions lounging under a tree a few meters away.

“Come bite me!” he said with both hands raised, television footage showed.

Not surprisingly, one of the lion’s obliged. Fortunately the lion was well fed, or the result might have been worse. But zoo workers were able to drive the lion off with water hoses.

Now, it runs in my mind that this is a pretty damn good analogy to the current election results, such as they stand.

If Bush is elected (and that now seems fairly likely, although not certain), it appears that much of his vote came from grass-roots campaigning among voters who consider themselves born-again Christians.

Although currently apparently dozing, The Republic is a very large lion and it grows hungrier. Be very careful, you in the right-wing who are programming your trained chimp to spout your religion-based messages. Attempting a conversion to a theocracy will get you bitten. And I’m fairly certain that no one is standing by with a water hose.