Today an elevator bit me. And not just any elevator — this is a high-speed, high-tech, state-of-the-art snazzy elevator.

I had to wait forever for the elevator to show up. By the time it did, there were quite a few people waiting. Finally the car arrived and the doors opened.

As I stepped toward the door, it began to shut. But rather than the usual slow-paced, cautious closing that most elevators affect, this puppy slammed the damn doors shut. Fast. First slamming on my thumb and them attempting to wedge my shoulders between them. Only quick moves from my fellow elevator-riders saved me from certain doom.

My thumb is now liberally dotted with black, blue and purple areas. Fortunately it’s my left thumb, so I can still hit the space bar with my right thumb.

And, most importantly, I can still knit!

I tell you, though… some days I’m tempted to become a Luddite.

Today I talked to someone on the phone who had a nice voice, and it brought back memories of Bob.

Long ago when I was still married and #1 Son was just a wee tot, Bob became our insurance agent. Because Bob’s office was in Vancouver and we lived in the Portland metro area, all of our insurance business was handled via fax, email and phone.

Bob had the most amazing, deep sexy voice I’ve ever heard in my life. Ever. Think Marvin Gaye a la Let’s Get It On. I would think up insurance questions just so I could call and listen to Bob talk: Let’s discuss your insurance needs… oh yeah, let’s do that!

I pictured Bob as being in his late 30’s/early 40’s. Of course he was tall and rugged, with crisp dark hair and piercing blue eyes. His style would be just the right mix of GQ and Northwest Woods. He figured prominently in several fantasies.

But for several years, we didn’t actually meet. Then my former husband and I built a house. The house had to be insured. I called Bob [talk to me about insurance, Bob] and said we needed a policy on the new house. Since it was a brand new house, Bob needed to actually see it with his own eyes before he could insure it. We made arrangements for all of us to meet at the house and then have dinner together afterward.

Ex, #1 Son and I waited at the new house. A car drove up. A man emerged.

He was in his late 60’s, short, heavyset and bald. He was wearing a green leisure suit.

Who was this? It couldn’t be Bob!

Hello said the voice of my dreams. I’m Bob. It’s great to finally meet you. Let’s get this insurance business taken care of!

Over dinner I tried closing my eyes and just listening, but to no avail. The fantasies were well and truly squelched.

Later on the way home my ex turned to me and said, “Did you think that Bob would be… taller?”